Looking for love?

Looking for love? Why? Because you have this giant hole inside your chest, and you’ve tried to fill it with food, and clothes, and cars, and art, and it didn’t work, so now you figured that another person might do the trick.
Are you insane? Do you really think that people can cure you of loneliness? Loneliness has nothing to do with just being alone. Loneliness is about not liking your own company. And you can’t cure that simply by dragging someone else to your little circle of misery.
I’m not saying it won’t be fun. For a while. But the moment the person you have lured into your miserable little life, goes to the bathroom you are going to be right back where you started. Alone, and lonely, and aking. Waiting for them to come back. To love you. To admire you. To complete you. So, pretty soon you’ll demand that those bathroom breaks be as short as possible and that, my dear friend, is pretty much the single most pathetic thing a human being can do. So don’t do it.
Don’t go around begging for love just because you can’t feel it for yourself. Don’t dress up to make someone think you are beautiful if you don’t believe it yourself. Don’t go out on Saturday nights thinking that you’ll find the cure for your loneliness in a bar. It ain’t gonna happen.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against love itself, but the idea of begging for it, and twisting it into such terrible shapes simply makes me sick.

How it all began

How did I start writing these strange and disturbing things? I'm not shure. I guess I was bored out of my mind and had no choice but to start thinking. At first, the things that would come to mind were nice, kind of comforting. I figured out that this world is big enough for me to enjoy living in it, and that I am the sole creator of my destiny, and that misery isn't necessary. That was great. I was happy.
But instead of just stopping there I went on. After a while, I figured that misery isn't so bad. And hunger isn't so bad. Nor pain, or hate, or lust, or poverty, or well... anything. It's all just life. It's not bad. There is no bad. Or good. Just choices. That kind of an idea takes a bit of time to sink in, but when it finally hits you in the head you find yourself sort of stranded. Sitting on the edge of reality, looking inside and thinking: "This can not be real."
The world you see once you really open your eyes and start thinking, makes absolutely no sense. What we do to ourselves makes absolutely no sense. All the misery. All the pain. Boredom. Do we ever ask: "Why?"
I did. And I found some really, really strange answers.
And why do I feel the need to share them with the world? I don't. I don't feel the need to save anyone. But it's nice to write.









Blog Directory Web Log Directory Blog Directory